Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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