covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my phone needs a breathalizer
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
