Pants 0. Shit 1.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
