sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he puts the penis in happiness.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
