do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Two words: blizzard sex
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
