My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
