Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
