Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
