Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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