Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
