just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
