So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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