I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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