She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
