i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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