She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
