you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
