People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
