I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
