So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
