I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize