Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
