My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
