do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
