We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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