nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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