The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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