before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
