I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
