You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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