real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
