dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
