went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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