i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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