also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
