id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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