Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
