was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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