I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
