I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
