honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
