You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
