my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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