You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
