We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
