i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
