A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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