Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
