Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
