I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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