Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
