he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
