i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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