Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
my sisters under your porch take her home
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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