whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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