The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
