so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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