have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize