Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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