Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize