As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
