so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
