Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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