The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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