Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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