just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
