if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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