Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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