so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
