he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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