using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
