Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
