I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
