i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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