That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
