Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
