Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
